ask this mess: slut or manic pixie dream girl?

when your onlyfans feels too good to be true: navigating empowerment and mania in sex work 🤔💸🧠

Sep 15, 2024

tl;dr: embracing your sexuality can be liberating, but when mental health is in the mix, it's crucial to stay self-aware and have safeguards in place. if you want me to give you advice, fill out the advice form here!

What is OnlyFans? What parents need to know | Internet Matters — I think this will get people’s attention right away, lol. **Source: Internet Matters.**

hi bellezas,

there's a fine line between feeling yourself and losing yourself.

i remember the summer i decided to start a thirst trap instagram account when i first moved to san diego. i had been working out throughout the pandemic and i even had abs. it was fucking phenomenal to see my hard work pay off. the rush of confidence, the intoxicating attention, the flood of DMs – it felt like i was on top of the world.

but three weeks in, i found myself staying up until 4 am, obsessively planning photos and hyperfocusing on what would be hot and what would get people’s attention. it got to be pretty awful. that's when i realized: maybe this isn't just me "living my best life." maybe this is something else entirely.

it's a tightrope walk many of us in the queer community know all too well – especially those of us juggling the sparkly disco ball of sexuality with the sometimes-unruly piñata of mental health.

I figured it would not be right if I said I did it and didn't provide the pics to prove it, haha. This is a tame selection of what I used to post in my secret Instagram account. (It does not exist anymore because I flat out started posting these in my real account and I stopped giving a shit.)

so when a reader wrote in with a question that hit close to home, i knew i had to dive in. brace yourselves, mis amores, because we're about to get real.

"high-key scared that me starting my OF again is a symptom of my mania, but i've been doing good with almost everything else. and if it is, i don't wanna stop doing it like i did last time. cause it's genuinely so fun to be a slut again and show off 😩😩. i dunno should i quit while i'm ahead? lmao. maybe i need a therapy session?"

oh, cariño. i feel this in my bones. the line between "living your best life" and "possible manic episode" can be blurrier than my vision after too many mojitos.

is it mania or just good ol' fashioned fun?

first things first: starting an onlyfans isn't inherently a sign of mania. plenty of folks run successful, fulfilling OF accounts without it being tied to their mental health. the key is to check in with yourself about your motivations and behaviors.

what you should be looking for is a marked change from your baseline. mania isn't just feeling good – it's an extreme elevation in mood often accompanied by decreased need for sleep, racing thoughts, and increased goal-directed activity that can lead to risky behaviors.

some questions to ask yourself:

am i making impulsive decisions i might regret later?
am i neglecting other important areas of my life for OF?
do i feel in control of my actions, or am i riding a wave of euphoria?
have my sleep patterns changed dramatically?
are my thoughts racing, jumping from idea to idea?
am i taking unnecessary risks or ignoring my boundaries?

if you answered "no" to these, you're probably just having a good time being your authentic, slutty self. and honey, there's nothing wrong with that!

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embracing your inner slut (safely)

listen, as a queer puerto rican who's seen it all, i'm all for embracing your sexuality.

being a slut can be empowering, fun, and lucrative! but it's important to do it safely and mindfully. here are some tips:

set clear boundaries: decide what you're comfortable sharing and stick to it.
protect your privacy: use a stage name, hide identifying features, and be careful about what you reveal.
use a vpn: this adds an extra layer of security to your online activities.
watermark your content: it won't prevent theft entirely, but it can help protect your work.
have a support system: confide in trusted friends who can check in on you.
plan for the future: consider how this might impact your life/career down the line.
get your finances in order: talk to a tax professional about the implications of sex work income.

mental health check-in

you mentioned you've been doing well in other areas of your life, which is fantastic! but it never hurts to do a mental health check-in. here are some practical steps:

schedule that therapy session: it's always good to touch base with a professional.
track your moods: use an app like daylio or emoods (specifically designed for bipolar disorder) to monitor for any concerning patterns.
1. if you have an iphone, the health app already comes with a mood tracker and you can set up reminders.
maintain your routine: keep up with sleep, meds, and self-care.
1. do not play with your meds. consult your psychiatrist closely. learned this one myself the hard way.
set OF "office hours": limit your time on the platform to avoid it taking over your life.
create a wellness plan: identify your triggers, warning signs, and coping strategies. include trusted contacts who can help if things get out of hand.
consider joining a support group: nami offers great resources for bipolar disorder.

harm reduction: if you do continue...

sometimes the allure of the spotlight (or the ring light, haha) is too strong to resist. i get it.

if you do decide to continue with OF, even if you're not 100% sure about your mental state, here are some harm reduction strategies:

set a financial limit: decide on a maximum amount you'll earn/spend on OF per week.
use a content calendar: plan your posts in advance to avoid impulsive uploads.
implement a "post delay": create your posts but wait 24 hours before publishing.
assign a "content buddy": have a trusted friend review your posts before they go live.

the cultural context

it's worth noting that in many latinx and lgbtq+ communities, there's still stigma around both mental health and sex work.

you might face judgment from family or friends who don't understand. remember: your worth isn't determined by their opinions. as frida kahlo said, "i am my own muse." you get to define your own path.

the verdict

from what you've shared, it sounds like you're just having fun rediscovering a part of yourself. but your mental health should always come first. if OF brings you joy and doesn't negatively impact your life, then werk it, belleza! just keep those safeguards in place and stay self-aware.

remember: there's no shame in being a slut, and there's no shame in prioritizing your mental health. you can do both!

got a mess? let me help you clean it up!

mis amores, your favorite queer puerto rican advice columnist (that's me!) is hungry for more of your delicious dilemmas. whether you're wrestling with relationship woes, pondering the complexities of your identity, or just need someone to tell you it's okay to eat that last slice of flan – i'm here for it all.

drop your burning questions, wild scenarios, and "asking for a friend" inquiries into my google form. it's anonymous, judgment-free, and who knows? your messy situation might just be the next star of "ask this mess"!

Submit your question here.

remember, no question is too big, too small, or too weird. we're all figuring out this chaotic thing called life together. so spill the tea, and let's stir up some advice magic!

your turn

now it's your turn, mi gente. have you navigated the balance between sex work and mental health? how do you distinguish between healthy self-expression and potential mania? drop your thoughts in the comments. your experiences could be the lifeline someone else needs.

until next time, may your onlyfans be profitable, your boundaries be respected, and your mental health be stable. you are worthy of pleasure, success, and peace – never let anyone tell you differently.