beyond the binary: my two-year party as a non-binary boricua 🌈

how i ditched the gender box (and found myself in the process)

tl;dr: celebrating two years since coming out as non-binary. join me in this post as i spill the tea on gender identity, break down puertorriqueño machismo, and celebrate the joyous mess of authentic living.

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I made a post on Instagram and Facebook with this picture when I came out. I remember thinking that *this* was the Edgard everyone still had to get to know. It was a freeing day, a freeing little selfie. Source: My Instagram.

hi mis amores,

i usually try very, very hard to avoid double-dipping in your inbox (trust me, i know the struggle of a crowded email battlefield). but today? it's not just special—it's rainbow confetti and dance party special. if you missed today's "one queer thing" post, treat yourself and check it out. it's juicier than a ripe mango, and your comments would be the perfect cherry on top.

one queer thing: "q.u.e.e.n." by janelle monáe ft. erykah badu

today is my non-binary birthday

two years ago today, i took a leap that changed everything: i came out as non-binary. facebook memories just reminded me of this anniversary, and coño, does it deserve celebration.

joan didion wrote, "i have already lost touch with a couple of people i used to be." this quote was buzzing in my head as i reread my coming out post. so, here it is, mi gente—the moment i told the world:

august 1, 2022: i want to make a disclosure that i'm terrified to make because of how much eye-rolling, derision, and contempt i have seen online for this disclosure. i can't exactly discern if i'm projecting what i have seen onto you, whomever is reading this, but it's scary.

i mean, coming out in the first place was... traumatic as fuck for me, so of course, these forms of disclosure will always terrify me. but i'm different now. i'm stronger now. and i just want to live my life how i want.

i am non-binary. among very close friends and chosen family, i have started to use they/them pronouns. i kept this a small trial. i was scared to "try this on", because i'm still learning to discern and sort through what's the "real me" and the me i built to survive life, the one that people find most "appropriate" or "palatable". i thought i was making a mistake and if i was erring, i'd rather err in private.

but these loving people have adopted the pronouns for me and started using them, and it has felt more complete, more whole, more representative of me. it hasn't been in replacement of my usual he/him. but these pronouns feel like they represent me better.

i'm not the kind to police the use of pronouns for myself. it's still good if you use he/him/el with me.

if you make the choice to honor this authenticity by using they/them and slip up, i won't care, so don't be too worried or upset. i'm just thrilled you care because that shows me you love me!! that's awesome! and i fucking love you back!

but i do need to say this: this feels me. this feels like me. this feels so much more me. it feels true, it feels LIKE TRUTH.

so basically tl;dr: i am waking up to being non-binary and have been using they/them pronouns. i don't mind the use of masculine pronouns to refer to me at all (truly! i mean this).

if you love me and you know me, i want you to know 100% me. this is why i make this disclosure. i want you to know me as i am. that's all.

thank you.

reading those words now, i'm struck by how far i've come. it's like comparing baby edgard, who thought being macho meant never crying, to the edgard of today, who cries at dog food commercials and wears glitter unironically.

Me as a child, Guaynabo, Puerto Rico; likely around 1988 or 1989. Source: Mi abuela.

i grew up thinking this wasn’t okay

growing up in puerto rico, i was caught in a tug-of-war between machismo and my love for "girl" toys. i wanted polly pockets, damn it! not because they were "for girls," but because miniature worlds are freaking awesome. but society had other plans, pushing me to be the puerto rican equivalent of the marlboro man. something everyone knew i could never be. it constantly felt like i was rigged to fail at this performance, and it’s haunting.

before i knew what "non-binary" meant, it was as foreign to me as a world without coquito (the horror!). but then i moved to california, and it was like stepping into a wonderland of people being free - of people living truly sovereign and free lives. i was surrounded by people shattering the binary into a million glorious pieces and it was beautiful to witness. and that's when it hit me: this is who i am.

as james baldwin said, "i am what time, circumstance, history, have made of me, certainly, but i am also so much more than that. so are we all." and damn, if that doesn't sum up the non-binary experience, i don't know what does.

for 35 years, i navigated life on everyone else's terms. i hid my puerto rican heritage when it wasn't "cool" or jiving with the whiteness of things, downplayed my pansexuality, and buried my love for things deemed "feminine." i was like a chameleon, constantly changing colors to fit in.

embracing my non-binary identity has been like finally taking off a too-tight shoe. suddenly, i can breathe. i can move. i can dance salsa in heels while fixing a car, because why the hell not? (i don’t know fix a car actually, lol, but you get the picture.)

my declaration of war

consider this my official declaration of war against the gender binary.

i'm carving out my space with a machete, a glitter cannon, and a playlist that includes both bad bunny and cher because that's who i am.

discovering my non-binary identity has been like putting on glasses after years of squinting. i see the absurdity of gendered marketing (why does deodorant need to have a gender?), the beauty in breaking societal norms, and the power in simply being yourself.

as i continue exploring my non-binary identity, i'm committed to living openly and proudly. i am non-binary, i am queer, i am puerto rican, and i am unapologetically me.

i'm the person who can rock a beard one day and a sparkly dress the next.

i'm the one who'll help you move and lift heavy things and then bake you a cake to celebrate your new house.

i'm living proof that you don't have to pick a lane—you can zigzag across the gender highway like a caffeinated abuela at bingo night.

the elephant in the room

now, let's address the elephant in the room—those who insist there are only two genders. to them, i say: biology, history, and human experience beg to differ. nature doesn't deal in binaries; it revels in spectrums. just look at the kaleidoscope of sexual expressions in the animal kingdom, from hermaphroditic snails to sex-changing clownfish. even human biology isn't as binary as we once thought, with intersex conditions occurring as frequently as red hair.

historically, cultures worldwide have recognized genders beyond the binary. from two-spirit individuals in indigenous north american cultures to hijras in south asia, non-binary identities have existed for millennia. the idea of a strict gender binary is a relatively recent, western construct—and a limiting one at that.

human identity is too complex, too nuanced to be confined to two boxes. we're not dealing with a light switch here, folks. we're talking about the entire electromagnetic spectrum. limiting ourselves to just "on" or "off" means missing out on all the beautiful wavelengths in between.

a challenge to you

so, to my cis allies: i challenge you to examine your own relationship with gender. how has the binary limited you? what parts of yourself have you suppressed to fit into your assigned box? embracing the spectrum doesn't just liberate us non-binary folks—it frees everyone to express themselves authentically. i want to see you free. because if you are not free, then i’m not either.

and to my trans and non-binary siblings: your existence is revolutionary. every day you wake up and live your truth, you're reshaping the world. you're carving out space for future generations to live more freely, more authentically. never underestimate the power of simply being yourself.

this journey isn't just about gender identity—it's about human liberty. it's about creating a world where everyone can explore the full spectrum of their being without fear or shame. so let's get to work, mi gente. let's build that world together.

con mucho amor y orgullo,

edgard 🌈✨

p.s. remember, every time you express your authentic self, you're throwing glitter in the face of oppression. so go forth and sparkle, my friends. the world needs your light—all shades of it!