When I saw the title I was shocked, YOU? I see you as someone to look up to, as a wise individual with profound thoughts, experiences, knowledge. Even with sharing this, although these experiences are common, you share things in a way that is inviting and warm, vulnerable and real. You, and others in my life, are the reason I also push myself to not shut down with the imposter syndrome that I also experience, similar to yours too 😭 it’s scary putting myself out there, and the more I do it, the more I notice how I may be lacking in communication or connection with others. And I also feel the same about wanting to be perceived but also not. It is a scary world out there, especially on the web where everything is visible and at times, difficult to erase or take back. But you, along with many other friends of mine, yall make vulnerability look freeing and more exciting than I could imagine it being. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing this with your readers, I do value your energy and love through your words.
prior to going no contact with certain family members i avoided being fully authentic publicly online due to being perceived as “mentally unwell” and getting sent away again. since going no contact with certain family members i have learned that a lot of what was considered “unwell” is what my friends and found family love about me, my creativity, my queerness, my energy, my kindness, my empathy, my passion, my “sparkle” so to speak. now the fear is more of retaliation or criticism from my employer, but as i grow my professional network in queer spaces i’m realizing that my identity, talent, insight, perspective and ideas are valuable assets, not liabilities. low key having anxiety even posting this comment 😅 but also it feels like a safe space to authentically be myself 🐢🌈✨
at the same time online spaces have also felt like where i could be myself more, i came out online before i came out in real life, and spoke about my experience in the troubled teen industry online before i told most people except a select few in person. so in some ways i feel like i can be more authentic online than i can be in real life, but in some ways i can’t. i would say tho i’m getting to a place where both are much more aligned than ever before, whereas prior to relatively recently it was much more safe for me to engage with parts of my identity online than it was irl. nuanced and complex.
omg, beryl, i feel this so much. i come from an oversharing experience that definitely got me branded as "un hinged" or "crazy" or "unstable". when i first started on the internet, i was screaming into the void and it was nice not to have the void scream back. but that hasn't been the case for ages. i've grown and i've constricted, back and forth. i was, and probably still am, the perpetual black sheep of my family. my queerness, my loudness, my refusal to stay quiet about injustice - it was all too much for them. but you know what? like you, i've found that the very things my family saw as flaws are what my chosen family celebrates. my "sparkle," as you beautifully put it, isn't a liability. i totally get that anxiety about posting, btw. but like you said, this feels like a safe space. so here we are, being our authentic, sparkly, sometimes-anxious selves. and you know what? i wouldn't have it any other way. <3
Omg I was thinking about this because I'm scared to show my authentic self 😭 That's why I never share anything online. Because being seen online is even worse and scary lol. I'm still working on it! 🥹 I loved this 🫶🏽 🫶🏽
Thank you so much for your kind comment, Janu! I relate deeply to how you feel. I feel like I swing between oversharing and not sharing anything at all, and for the exact same reason. I, for one, enjoy your writing so please - keep sharing more of yourself. :)
It's something I've never figured out and never will. When I was younger, I tried all sorts of techniques that seemed popular at the time to make myself feel more relevant and cool. But then I realized that just being me, which is basically no rhyme or reason, has made people connect with me most. <3
100%, Benny! I feel you. If I were to list all the things I have done "to be liked", it would be a very, very embarrassing list. And it's a lot to keep up. At some point I realized that I was living my life more for others than for myself... which was a hard lesson to learn.
When I saw the title I was shocked, YOU? I see you as someone to look up to, as a wise individual with profound thoughts, experiences, knowledge. Even with sharing this, although these experiences are common, you share things in a way that is inviting and warm, vulnerable and real. You, and others in my life, are the reason I also push myself to not shut down with the imposter syndrome that I also experience, similar to yours too 😭 it’s scary putting myself out there, and the more I do it, the more I notice how I may be lacking in communication or connection with others. And I also feel the same about wanting to be perceived but also not. It is a scary world out there, especially on the web where everything is visible and at times, difficult to erase or take back. But you, along with many other friends of mine, yall make vulnerability look freeing and more exciting than I could imagine it being. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing this with your readers, I do value your energy and love through your words.
prior to going no contact with certain family members i avoided being fully authentic publicly online due to being perceived as “mentally unwell” and getting sent away again. since going no contact with certain family members i have learned that a lot of what was considered “unwell” is what my friends and found family love about me, my creativity, my queerness, my energy, my kindness, my empathy, my passion, my “sparkle” so to speak. now the fear is more of retaliation or criticism from my employer, but as i grow my professional network in queer spaces i’m realizing that my identity, talent, insight, perspective and ideas are valuable assets, not liabilities. low key having anxiety even posting this comment 😅 but also it feels like a safe space to authentically be myself 🐢🌈✨
at the same time online spaces have also felt like where i could be myself more, i came out online before i came out in real life, and spoke about my experience in the troubled teen industry online before i told most people except a select few in person. so in some ways i feel like i can be more authentic online than i can be in real life, but in some ways i can’t. i would say tho i’m getting to a place where both are much more aligned than ever before, whereas prior to relatively recently it was much more safe for me to engage with parts of my identity online than it was irl. nuanced and complex.
omg, beryl, i feel this so much. i come from an oversharing experience that definitely got me branded as "un hinged" or "crazy" or "unstable". when i first started on the internet, i was screaming into the void and it was nice not to have the void scream back. but that hasn't been the case for ages. i've grown and i've constricted, back and forth. i was, and probably still am, the perpetual black sheep of my family. my queerness, my loudness, my refusal to stay quiet about injustice - it was all too much for them. but you know what? like you, i've found that the very things my family saw as flaws are what my chosen family celebrates. my "sparkle," as you beautifully put it, isn't a liability. i totally get that anxiety about posting, btw. but like you said, this feels like a safe space. so here we are, being our authentic, sparkly, sometimes-anxious selves. and you know what? i wouldn't have it any other way. <3
Omg I was thinking about this because I'm scared to show my authentic self 😭 That's why I never share anything online. Because being seen online is even worse and scary lol. I'm still working on it! 🥹 I loved this 🫶🏽 🫶🏽
Thank you so much for your kind comment, Janu! I relate deeply to how you feel. I feel like I swing between oversharing and not sharing anything at all, and for the exact same reason. I, for one, enjoy your writing so please - keep sharing more of yourself. :)
It's something I've never figured out and never will. When I was younger, I tried all sorts of techniques that seemed popular at the time to make myself feel more relevant and cool. But then I realized that just being me, which is basically no rhyme or reason, has made people connect with me most. <3
100%, Benny! I feel you. If I were to list all the things I have done "to be liked", it would be a very, very embarrassing list. And it's a lot to keep up. At some point I realized that I was living my life more for others than for myself... which was a hard lesson to learn.